Cinderella Girls in the City

 Once upon a time in world full of ‘Plenty of Fish’ and suburbs full of settled friends; girls from far and wide commuted into the city in an attempt to meet men. These girls were known as ‘Cinderella girls’ by native London speed daters. They came wearing conservative evening dresses and had the National Rail App installed on their phones. I had just been labelled as one of them!

The term ‘Cinderella Girl’ was first introduced to me by a frequent speed dater called Matthew. Matthew was thirty-three, eccentric and a hopeless romantic that believe in the power of speed dating (not my type).  He explained to me how girls from far and wide (meaning girls from Essex, Reading and Surrey) commute into the city in the pursuit of meeting men. He called these girls ‘Cinderella girls’. As just like Cinderella having to get in her pumpkin to go home before midnight, these girls rush to get the last train home from London.

“Now I don't date any girls from outside of zones 1-3 in London…too much heartbreak” Matthew abruptly told me.

Then I got thinking…what is so good about guys from the city?

Do girls assume they earn more, work in the stock market and live a glamorous lifestyle in the concrete jungle?

I got talking to a fellow ‘Cinderella girl’ from Surrey (met her at a speed dating event in London).

“So what brings you to London for speed dating?” I enquired.

“At twenty pounds per a ticket…you're meeting a different calibre of men at the bar” she firmly replied.

I guess Cinderella didn't meet Prince Charming at her local pub…but then again it depends on what your idea of Prince Charming is in the first place.

Nothing wrong with a beer and burger…just saying!

Congratulations You're Single!

I am still waiting for my ‘congratulations you didn't marry the wrong guy’ card to come through the post. It’s been a few weeks now and still no cards. Instead many other things come my way, a bill, a letter from student loan, junk mail and not to mention a newsletter from the church…wait wasn't Jesus single?

My ex left me to pursue greener grass and now I am on the greener side of time. For years, I hated the idea of being single. I had life plans set in stone with an electric fence around them. Now here I am single, still the same person and shamelessly happy.

What’s the big problem?

No I'm not lonely, cynical or insecure.

Wait what’s this bubble doing around my head? 

Blue from Clare Blackman on Myspace.

Cheater

It’s about 2AM in the morning and I can feel a presence in the room. My stomach wrestles with itself, my eyes are now wide open and I am once again reminded of my loss. I thought that I was fine. I thought that I had accepted what had happened. I thought that I could get onto my high horse and ride off into the future. I was wrong!

Did you know that it is estimated that one in seven newlyweds will cheat within their first year of marriage?

The problem with cheating is that everyone has their own definition of what being 'unfaithful' actually means. To some it’s seeing their boyfriend flirting with another woman at a bar and to others it’s their drunken girlfriend dancing with another man. People have their own set of standards towards what behaviour constitutes towards cheating. One of my views on cheating is that if you are pursuing another relationship while you’re already in one then you are a cheater!

When this happens, there is no white lie that can make you look pure in the naked light of day, no excuse that will make me look like the big bad wolf and no amount of apologies that will compensate for the fact that I was cheated on.

When I was grieving the loss of my relationship with my ex, I realised that I was no longer grieving for the loss of him in my life. Instead, I was devastated for the fact that I had been deceived. I thought I knew myself and I thought that I knew him. He would always be the first to talk about trust and the first to put down his ex at any given opportunity. 

Reflecting on the situation now, I realise that a lot of his behaviour was simply smoke and mirrors to hide his devious plans. All his attempts to demonise his ex were to hide his present feelings for her and all his talk of ‘trust’ was simply to ensure that I followed his game plan.

He told some fabulous lies, ones that once haunted me at night. 

Some Girls...

There are some girls that want a champagne lifestyle on a lemonade budget, other girls that have a fur coat but no knickers, ones that are powerfully happy with being single and a few that are lucky enough to meet Mr Right. Then there are the unfortunates. The kind of women who reluctantly take part in the world of online dating, the ones whose past is constantly trying to catch up with them and the ones who eventually give in the fight to trust one more time.

The truth is I refuse to become a part of a category. Ever since I turned down my ex’s request for a second chance and he bitterly told me that I would, ‘never be able to trust another man again’. It was like a bolt of lightning flashed down and scorched the earth around me. He had cursed me and my ability to have a happy relationship with anyone else but him.

The truth is, I had got tired of swallowing bitter pills of criticism, actively changing myself out of insecurity and comparing myself to every ex-girlfriend he had ever had. I had dyed my hair back to the colour I wanted to be (my natural colour) and started to laugh and raise my head up high in conversation. I started to share my opinions with him and he didn't like it.

He was quick to point out at any given opportunity when I pronounced a word wrong, or used colloquial slang instead of formal English. He used to boast about his complex use of words in his middle class North London accent, mocking the East London working class undertones that echoed in mine. I was reminded of why I had remained silent in so many arguments with him, my opinions were simply unimportant to him. I had become a understudy for another woman in his life.

Reflecting back, I think I was pretty good understudy. One who spent Saturday night washing the Ikea sofa covers, cleaning the oven, vacuuming the house and who always made an effort to compete with every ex-girlfriend he had ever had (even if it meant I spent most of my time alone, while he played World of Warcraft or War Hammer). However no matter how I talked myself into the illusion of being with him, I would always be the understudy (the plan B in his life).

I never realised it, but I had decided to dance with a devil. One that told me lies I wanted to hear and who was with me for purely selfish reasons. I had been led down the garden path, made to feel inferior to other women and constantly on edge. I was emotionally dependant on his moods and the words that came out of his mouth. I had lost myself in a bitter sweet rut that I called ‘love’.  

However, I do not consider myself to be a victim. People are responsible for their own happiness in life and how their story ends. In my story he was a bullet that I dodged, a bad bet that I lost and a lesson that was learnt. Never again will I let someone dictate to me how I should feel and act. Never will I let him taint my future happiness with someone else.